What to do if your therapist ghosted you?

Being ghosted by your therapist can be an incredibly difficult and confusing experience. As you build a relationship with your therapist over time, you trust them with your innermost thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Suddenly having that person disappear from your life without explanation can feel like a betrayal of that trust. It’s normal to have a lot of questions and “big feelings” come up if you find yourself in this situation.

Why would a therapist ghost a client?

There are a few potential reasons a therapist might end the therapeutic relationship by ghosting rather than having a termination session:

• The therapist had to close their practice unexpectedly due to personal emergency or other circumstances beyond their control.
• The therapist realized they made a mistake taking you on as a client due to lack of expertise with your specific issues.
• The therapist had difficulty setting appropriate boundaries and pulled away too abruptly.
• The therapist behaved unethically for their own reasons unrelated to you or the therapeutic work.

Unfortunately therapists are human too, and a small percentage may ghost clients for unethical reasons like prejudice against protected identities, romantic feelings, or other boundary violations. However, the most common reasons for ghosting are unlikely to reflect on you as a client.

How to process your feelings about being ghosted

Being ghosted can bring up intense feelings like:

• Confusion
• Anger
• Worry you did something wrong
• Sense of abandonment
• Grief over losing the therapeutic relationship

These feelings are normal, and it’s important to acknowledge them rather than suppressing them. Processing with trusted friends and family can help. Consider journaling to explore your emotions. It may help to look back at your therapeutic goals and progress before the ghosting—evidence that you did good work despite how it ended.

When to seek support from a new therapist

If you find your feelings about being ghosted are too overwhelming to process alone, seek support from a new therapist. Signs it may be time to find a new provider include:

• Being stuck in a cycle of rumination for weeks
• Suicidal thoughts
• Difficulty functioning in daily life
• Urge to self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, risky behaviors

A new therapist can help you gain closure, build skills to manage the difficult emotions, and restart progress toward your goals. Be transparent with potential therapists about your experience so they understand your sensitivities.

Steps to find the right therapist after ghosting

It can feel vulnerable to start over with a new therapist, but the right fit may lead to enormous healing. Here are tips to find a good provider:

1. Ask people you trust for referrals.
2. Check therapist directories through professional associations and PsychologyToday.
3. Look for therapists who specialize in your issues and treatment approaches that appeal to you.
4. Interview several potential therapists by phone, video chat, or initial session before committing.
5. Trust your gut – you want someone you feel comfortable opening up to.

Questions to ask a potential new therapist

Here are important questions to ask potential therapists before starting sessions:

• What experience do you have treating my specific concerns?
• What are your policies if you need to cancel appointments or terminate treatment?
• How do you ensure clear communication with clients between sessions?
• Have any of your past clients complained of unethical behavior or boundary violations? How was it addressed?

Asking pointed questions can help determine if a therapist will be ethical, communicative, and a good match.

Red flags to watch out for

When interviewing new therapists, look out for these red flags:

• The therapist seems distracted, disorganized, or disinterested.
• You feel pressured to commit to treatment before you’re ready.
• The therapist cannot clearly explain their approach or fees.
• The therapist is evasive or defensive responding to ethical questions.
• You don’t feel comfortable or trusting of the therapist for any reason.

Trust issues after being ghosted are understandable. Pay attention to any intuitions that a therapist might not be a safe choice.

Is it ever appropriate to contact a therapist who ghosted you?

In most cases, it is best not to try contacting the therapist who ghosted you. An exception could be if you need your client records transferred to a new provider – you may contact their office once in writing to formally request records be released. Otherwise, reaching out is unlikely to provide closure and may feel like another boundary violation.

Reporting ghosting to the therapy licensing board

You have the right to file a complaint to your state licensing board against a therapist who ghosted you, especially if you believe unethical or harmful behaviors were involved. Each state has slightly different processes:

1. Determine the appropriate licensing board based on the therapist’s credentials.
2. Find the board’s website and locate complaint forms/instructions.
3. Submit complaint including factual description of therapist’s behaviors.
4. The board will review and determine if disciplinary action is warranted.

Reporting ghosting holds therapists accountable and can prevent harm to other clients. However, it may not provide the personal closure you seek.

Using complaints as leverage for closure

Some clients threaten complaints to licensing boards to try pressuring a therapist who ghosted them into providing an explanation. However, this is not recommended for a few reasons:

• It may feel coercive or aggressive rather than resolving things on understanding terms.
• The therapist may become defensive and its unlikely to lead to satisfactory closure.
• Follow-through on threats could damage your credibility with the licensing board if you later file a complaint.

Politely requesting a termination session is more likely to get positive results if any response at all.

Seeking legal action after ghosting

It is extremely rare for clients to pursue legal action against therapists who ghosted them. Suing would require proving:

• The therapist’s actions directly caused you significant damages.
• The therapist violated a written contract or breached standard professional duties.
• Monetary damages resulted that you wish to recover.

Lawsuits are expensive, time consuming, and unlikely to address emotional needs. Save legal action for cases of clear exploitation rather than ordinary ghosting.

When to let go and move on

As difficult as it feels initially, at a certain point continuing to dwell on being ghosted prevents you from moving forward. Consider shifting focus to the future if:

• You have processed the situation and your feelings enough to understand what happened.
• Trying to get answers or closure from the former therapist begins to feel like beating a dead horse.
• Strong emotions like rage or grief have softened into acceptance.
• You found a great new therapist who resonates with your needs.

Letting go allows room for growth, while remaining stuck breeds resentment. Judge when it feels right for you.

How to regain trust and commitment to therapy

Losing trust after being ghosted can make you hesitant to open up again. With time, the right therapist can help restore confidence. Things that help include:

• Discussing your past experiences and current hesitations openly.
• A therapist who validates your concerns and cares about your comfort level.
• A sense of alignment around therapeutic goals and approaches.
• Professionalism, consistency and ethics in the new therapist’s behaviors.
• Focusing on self-validation rather than needing external reassurance.

Ultimately, regaining trust is an internal process that therapy can nurture.

Turning ghosting into insights and growth

With time and self-reflection, being ghosted by a therapist can become a learning experience leading to insights like:

• Understanding the difference between a healthy vs. harmful therapeutic relationship.
• Learning to identify constructive therapists who are a good match.
• Gaining ability to better regulate your emotions.
• Becoming more self-validating rather than dependent on external feedback.
• Appreciating the unexpected strength and resilience you developed handling challenges.

Therapy aims to help you outgrow your past and evolve. By reframing the ghosting in this productive light, you can continue your journey of growth.

When to let go of self-blame about being ghosted

It is very common to blame yourself if a therapist ghosts you – wondering if you said or did something wrong, or weren’t a model client. Let self-blame go when you realize:

• The choice to ghost was the therapist’s, not something you forced.
• Even excellent clients get ghosted sometimes due to no fault of their own.
• Speculating can’t answer why it happened, and the reasons usually aren’t about you.
• The therapist’s choice reflects on their own limitations more than yours.
• You deserve respect, communication and ethical treatment always.

Rather than self-blame, learn self-validation and trust your own worthiness.

What therapist ghosting can teach about relationships

Being ghosted by a therapist may reflect dynamics or blind spots in your broader relationships. Positives it can teach you:

• Healthy communication: Insist others treat you with the respect of direct communication.
• Self-worth: Don’t blame yourself for others’ choices to disengage.
• Commitment: With the right people, relationships can survive challenges through mutual effort.
• Autonomy: Rely on your own validation more than needing others’ reassurance.
• Discernment: Pay attention to red flags early on and be choosy.

Let the ghosting be a catalyst to build stronger relationships overall moving forward.

Closure rituals when you can’t get direct closure

Therapists recommend closure rituals to find peace when you cannot get direct explanations. Things to try:

• Write a letter expressing your thoughts and feelings, then destroy it or let it float away.
• Have a conversation in your mind where you imagine receiving the therapist’s apology and explanation.
• Create art, music, poetry, or other creative expressions to process the experience.
• Release your hurt through a symbolic action like throwing rocks into water or smashing discarded dishes.
• Formally end the relationship by stating aloud that you forgive them and are moving on.

Even without the therapist participating, rituals can help you find emotional resolution.

Using support groups when therapy ends abruptly

Support groups can help when therapy ends abruptly, especially peer-run groups focused on:

• Your specific mental health condition.
• Personality disorders or complex trauma.
• Women’s issues, BIPOC experiences, LGBTQ+ identity, etc.
• General mental health recovery and empowerment.

Groups provide community, reduce isolation, and help you sustain progress between therapists. If therapy ends unexpectedly, immediately seek out relevant groups.

Creating a self-care plan for coping after ghosting

A self-care plan helps stabilize your mood and well-being after losing a therapist’s support. Include:

• accounts to improve body image, self-love, and confidence.
• Physical activity – walks, yoga, etc. for endorphins.
• Favorite comforting foods and beverages.
• Uplifting music, movies, books.
• Inspiring places in nature to visit.
• Boundaries around news/social media to control stress.
• Reasonable goals for sleep, diet, hygiene to stay grounded.
• Relaxation practices – breathwork, massage, warm baths.

Meet your own needs with compassion using healthy coping tools.

Finding the silver linings after therapist ghosting

As painful as it feels in the moment, being ghosted by your therapist can ultimately have silver linings such as:

• Weeding out an unethical therapist before more harm was done.
• Propelling you to find a therapist who is an ideal match.
• Motivating new levels of self-reliance and resilience.
• Deepening bonds with family/friends who support you.
• Learning important lessons about boundaries and communication.
• Discovering abilities to handle challenges and process emotions.

In retrospect, you may find the difficult experience made you stronger and brought you to a better place.

Conclusion

Being ghosted by your therapist with no explanation or closure can be an extremely painful and destabilizing experience. The abrupt loss of a provider you trusted feels like a personal betrayal and rejection. Know that your emotional reactions are valid and should be tended to rather than ignored. Processing the experience with self-compassion, as well as trusted loved ones, can help you heal. Journaling, support groups, and closure rituals are also useful tools. Eventually, with time, you can regain trust in therapy and other relationships. Most importantly, avoid blaming yourself for your therapist’s choices. Instead, learn the lessons about communication and discernment that will serve you moving forward. By stepping through this challenging experience with courage, you will only become wiser and better able to advocate for your needs in the future.